Saturday, June 7, 2008

A Note From Your Friendly Network Administrator

My job role with The Agency is quite a varied one, but one of my responsibilities is maintaining the Network and providing Technical Support to The Agency's many minions.

Generally I really like this aspect of the job, but there are times when I shake my head in wonder at the total ineptitude of some of my colleagues. Generally it's the older crew that are used to doing things "old school". The kind of guys that stand around the water cooler and say things like, "Remember that time we took down that poltergeist with nothing but a proton pack and a rolled up newspaper? Ah, those were the days.."

They're not that great with computers and now they've been dragged kicking and screaming into the 3rd millennium.

Here be the chronicles of how they annoy me..

1. Don't ask me to install a new printer cartridge, laser toner or copier toner for you.
They have instructions on the box. Some are even conveniently packaged so that you just remove all the orange tags before inserting into the printer. Really.. if you can make toast, you can change a toner.

2. Don't ask me what your password is.
I'm pretty talented but I have to draw the line at omniscience. No, I do not know your password but I can reset it for you.

3. Don't neglect to tell me about a computer problem in the hope that it'll go away.
It won't, believe me. Don't get pissy when I tell you I have to order in parts. You could have told me about it last week.

4. Don't tell me how to fix a problem, tell me what the problem is.
Just because you couldn't get that spreadsheet to work the way you wanted, doesn't mean you need to upgrade to the latest version of office. I refuse to install that overpriced abomination on any PC on my network. The problem is that you don't know how to use Excel.

5. Don't phone me demanding that I instantaneously materialise in your cube to fix your problem.
Most days I have a lot of things going on. Let me prioritise my own workload.

6. Don't ask me to restore data that hasn't been backed up.
If you made a document an hour ago and then deleted it, it's not on backup. Get a TARDIS or learn your lesson and get used to hitting Ctrl-S regularly.

7. Don't you dare walk away from your PC without locking it.
Do you really want other people reading your email? Do you want the Director to see that you're reading LOLCATs again?

8. Don't phone me repeatedly when I have PMT.
Approach my desk slowly, with palms up and preferably with at least 100 grams of good quality dairy milk chocolate. Not white, not dark but dairy milk.

9. Don't take it as a personal insult if you don't have access to a Network Folder.
There could be a very good reason why you don't have clearance. If not, it only takes a couple of minutes to fix. Chill out.

10. Don't ask me to install meaningless third party software that is going to take up system resources just so you can have some trinket for your desktop.
What's on your PC is all you need for work. If it was really that necessary, don't you think I would have rolled it out to everyone?

If only I could post this at work..


Narelle from Aus said...

Hey McWraith,

I had to comment on this as it sounds like my day :)
11 years in the IT game means I have a very flat forehead from where I'm continually slapping it with my palm.
I'd love to write about some of the requests I get, but I'm afraid a client may read it and next thing you know... law suit. :)

Narelle from Aus

Marmalade McWraith said...

Oh the joys of having a secret identity :)

Narelle from Aus said...

Yeah, I should have been a little more creative when coming up with mine. Didn't think I would still be involved 6 months later!
Hmmmm, maybe a mysterious disappearance and then a change in identity is required **rubs chin**

Marmalade McWraith said...

I know someone who could help you with the online identity death-faking.. but unfortunately I think people would still know it was you.

You'd have to change your whole writing style which I think would be too much effort, don't you?

Narelle from Aus said...

Will definitely have to keep that valuable resource in mind. Now I have to ask, how do you happen to know someone with that ability? Or does it just involve resetting your IP and creating a much more obscure internet handle, for instance Narelle from Albuquerque?

Maybe I could actually have a style and then I'd fool everyone. mwhahahahahah::cough, hack, gasp::

Marmalade McWraith said...

If I told you I'd have to kill you.. and then who would read my blog?

Narelle from Aus said...

Narelle from Albuquerque?