On Saturday I had a Martial Arts Grading..
The Agency has been paying for me to do classes for quite a while now. They say if I ever want to be a fully fledged Agent I have to know how to defend myself without relying on gadgets and conveniently placed blunt objects.
I heartily agree and so every Monday and Wednesday night I diligently attend class so that one day I will be a killing machine. It's pretty hard work. Most nights I come home completely stuffed and covered in bruises from being kicked, punched and thrown across the room.
The programme is a diverse mix of Taekwondo, Kickboxing, Judo, self-defense techniques, fitness drills and Ecky-Thump (pending the availability of Black Pudding).
It's quite difficult sometimes. I've never been a sporty spice. I will admit that I did Tenpin Bowling as my high school sport for as many terms as I could get away with. But it seems that on Saturday, all my hard work paid off. Sir has finally recognised my potential and asked me to join an advanced class on Sundays that will help me with technique and introduce me to some weapons.
And so last Sunday, I held Nunchucks for the first time. They are a lot of fun but I'm not sure of the practical application seeing as they are too big to fit into my handbag.
And I was a little disturbed to find that the entire Nunchuck routine has to be done right-handed.
"Sir, this is discrimination against left-handed persons", I complained while swinging my Nunchucks awkwardly.
"Suck it up, Grasshopper", Sir said with a stern look. "Maybe you could invent a Martial Arts for left handers".
A mind like mine doesn't need much encouragement.
I hereby give you the Martial Art of Kitt-Oog-Jitsu! The word Kitt-Oog originates from the Irish word for left-handed - Ciotógach.
- Disciples of Kitt-Oog-Jitsu must be left-handed or ambidexterous.
- They must observe the sacred day of August 13 (Left Handers Day) and keep it Holy
- Upon entering or leaving the training area, disciples must bow with their left fist touching their right collarbone
- All drills must start with the left hand or leg
- During free spar, double points are awarded for left hand kicks or hand strikes
- Disciples will attend any Equal Rights for Lefties Rallies in their local area.