Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Beware the Kraken

It is truly wonderful to live by the sea; warm sunshine, clear winter skies, and 'the big blue' littered with the assorted debris from a smashed up fishing vessel.

Yes, debris.

This morning I was given the task of sorting through the soggy mess with a pair of lurid yellow protective gloves. I don't know the first thing about boats but somehow I was supposed to keep a weather eye out for anything un-boat-y.

Now normally The Agency wouldn't have anything to do with boating accidents, but one of the rescued sailors, in his delusional hypothermic state, apparently started blubbing on about a giant octopus.

Yeah, we deal with weirder shit than that. Giant octopus, no problems. We'll be back to the office in time for smoko.

So there I was stuck on the shore with my ridiculous gloves while the boys got to take out our boat to do some serious sonar. If anyone gets eaten by the giant squid, please let it be Agent Bayne, I thought.

I got busy and divided the pile of debris up into categories;
  • Splintered Wood, Fibreglass & Plastic
  • Twisted Metal
  • Tech (radio equipment, GPS etc)
  • Fishing Gear
  • Biological Material
  • Miscellaneous
A while later, the boys came back with a big fat pile of nothing from the sonar readings. I, on the other hand had a very interesting collection of biological material; a large tooth that looked a little like the tusk of an elephant, and the end of a bloody big tentacle. It totally reeked, and I don't think I'll be able to hit the seafood buffet for a while. One thing's for sure though, that's no giant squid - it's a Kraken.

10:43AM - Just in time for Smoko
The Desk of Marmalade McWraith

I pulled up the file (G:\Research & Surveillance\Mythical Creatures\Kraken) and passed what little info we had to the Director who will decide on what is to be done next. Not a lot can be done though until we get another sighting. If we get another sighting.

Interestingly though, I found a recent article in Mythical Creatures Magazine where the Kraken had made it to the Pet of the Month Column. An amusing read. Enjoy.


EDIT: Apologies - Had to delete the article due to copyright violation. Oops..

Picture: A young Kraken playing with a 19th century sailing ship.


Narelle from Aus said...

So Hubby and I are seriously considering moving up to your neck of the woods.
I've got two job offers up there (seeing as I'm selling up and becoming a pleb) but I'm thinking your agency sounds much more appealing :)

Marmalade McWraith said...

We're always happy to welcome Mexicans from south of the border, as long as they don't rip a hole in the space/time continuum to get here. I recommend QANTAS.

I would think twice about joining The Agency though. It has a tendency to shorten your lifespan but the hazard pay is great. Will let you know of any vacancies.