Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Marmalade Lives


It's been nearly a month without a post. Dear reader, I am heartily ashamed. I feel that I owe you a bit of an explanation.

Firstly though, a big thank you to all my fans out there in interweb-land who have emailed many touching expressions of concern during my absence. I had no idea people actually read this blog let alone cared if I went AWOL.

My absence can be blamed entirely on the Large Hadron Collider; the great multi-billion dollar scape goat. It's been a bit of a running gag in the office this week actually that every accident, inconvenience and world disaster is the fault of the LHC.

Earthquakes in Asia - "Must be the collider!

Papercut - "Damn that collider!"

Tea's gone cold - "Bloody hell, it's all the Large Hadron Collider's fault!"

But seriously, my absence is really due to the collider. We have been very busy here in the office and I've been working a lot of overtime. As you well know, The Agency exists to keep the paranormal as far away from the general public as possible. And with the boffins at CERN about the rip the arse out of the universe, it would be remiss of us to not be prepared for every eventuality.

So a couple of weeks ago the Directors of every Agency Branch met at a secret island retreat to formulate a game plan. In between sipping mojitos, they were hard at work thinking up every possible thing that could go wrong when those pesky particles start bumping into each other.

I got several strange emails via the Director's blackberry while they were in session. One of them was asking me to put Agent Bayne on a plane to Geneva - gladly! The other was to send our resident Time Agent Mr Mace back two weeks previous to sort out the collider's cooling issues.

Later when I picked the Director up from the airport, he looked more tanned than usual but there was something slightly amiss. He didn't really talk at all in the car, as though there was something weighing heavily on him.

Anyway, all seems to be going well so far with the experiments. The earth hasn't turned itself inside out, the cooling systems are holding up and there's been no report of the guts of the universe spilling out through a rift in space/time.

I'll keep you posted though. I promise..

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